What for the Tellin, Laffin also Comin!

By Gamini Weerakoon

(February 15, Colombo, Sri Lanka Guardian) Pandang Paksha on meeting Traitor Silva after their English class:
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[Pandang Paksha (PP) and Traitor Silva (TS) are buddies on opposite sides of the political fence. They are also students of the new way of speaking English — English as She is Spoke — introduced by Sunimal Fernando (BA Oxon) under the sponsorship of the Presidential Secretariat. Their secret conversation was recorded by an operative of Kelang Unit of the Intelligence Services with his cell phone.]
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So, so—how, how how ?

TS: So, so — how, how? What for the telling laughing also coming!

PP: Laughing also coming, what por?

TS: Knowing people will know no?

PP: What you mean knowing people will know no? Our people know we won by 17 pc. You’re hinting hora vote ah? All this is bana toking by you’re side. Ambul grapes no?

TS: Bana tokin? You people bana preachin on TV in pull white with nelung plowers in hand with those Rupavahini camera pellows pilming and showing while white vans abductin and kidnapin like hell, no? Hell of a bana. Yakkage Bana.
PP: Aha! What did you pellows do in Preme’s time? Same thin no?

TS: Tell, how you done it? Chasing our pelloes from polling booths OK, we know that. But 17 pc how? Stupp ballet boxes? Robbed the boxes? Pagaa to computer punches? Goad only knows how. Only knowing people will know, no? What for the telling—laughin and cryin comin at same time.

PP: Don’t cry. Your karume no? Must have put a lot of hora votes in before births. What to do napuru kalata, vote denne kawda thopata.

TS: Not karume or napuru kalata. You put a jillmart on our votes?

PP:So why don’t you tell Dayananda?

TS: Dayananda? Aiyoo! Is the pellow countin or actin? One day he is crying and telling police don’t take his orders and some days later he says: IGP jolly good pellow! Hell op a pellow this Dayananda.

PP: I shay Traitor Silva don’t be no heartend. Didn’t your teacher in you private tutory tell: keep tryin and tryin. My teacher showed me the many pillars on our tutory istoppuwa and said; ‘Pailures are the successive pillars meaning all the pailures’ — ischool pees went to build those pillars. Didn’t your teachers tell about Robert Bruce of Isscotland? How he saw spider trying to climb his web and for seven times?

TS: Addo,yakko. I know about all that Robbar Bruce. He Kewa Piduroos. But in those days there was no military police to lock up climbin spiders.

PP: Op course, op course, they didn’t have military polish in those caves. They were livin in caves. Our Sinhala kings were in falaces no — no makunu del for spiders to climb and all that but had very efficient military polish — not to catch spiders but to put enemies on tank bunds and put mudda paste. Very democratic, low and order must prevail no? Can’t be like chaos in Laos, no?

TS: Whose low?

PP: Op course the king’s low.

TS: Like what happened at Aluthkade junction on Wednesday? Polish backed thugs attacking our peace lovin demons-rators?

PS: Op course. Polish must back low and order thugs. Not anti Rajapaksa demons-rators.

TS: Tell me what is happening to Ponseka?

PS: Like what the good old Jantlemans of Kotahena used to say: What happens to Happenstall happens to all!

TS: Don’t talk bull and cock. What happened to Happenstall? No one knows.

PS: Not to worry. Ponseka is at Navy headquarter gazing at sea and anjoyin. Like Napoleon Borupart at Elba.

TS: But Napoleon escaped from Elba.

PS: I shay, careful what you shay. Beware military polish or white vans. Not to worry about escaping. Our military polish, navy polish all round headquarter. Like they did at Cinnamon Grande.

TS: They can’t move a hair of Ponseka, pour million voters will……. I shay Pandang, shall we porget folitics an go to the Water Hole to put a shot.

PS: Now you are toking. On your account ah!

TS : OrKay,OrKay. Don’t drink the joint dry, have to pay no? Not like Hotel De Temple Trees, as that cartoonist said.